I signed up for Jarrad Hewett’s onine 30 Day Energy Immersion. I knew is work was going to rock my world and I knew I was primed to hit my tipping point, opening me to engage in life from my fullest potential.
Last night I felt so ALONE. Self loathing had taken over my mind. I ran reels of scenarios reaching out on the membership site, seeing nothing but disappointment. I envisioned talking to Jarrad. Where would I start? Self loathing. It was so palpable it felt like the core of my identity. Once again it had claimed me.
I had been in a spiral since Nov 25. Earlier that day I was in total bliss. From that space I signed up for the The Ultimate Gift, which was Jarrad’s December program. I was feeling expansive and full of Love. I drove into town, a small, rural, mountain ranching community. I was like a Light bubble bouncing from person to person at the grocery store with my energetic Faerie Dust. When I got back in my car I briefly reflected on my encounters, feeling good until a tiny thing surfaced (forgetting someone’s name). All of a sudden it was as though a switch had been flipped. All joy was simply gone. I immediately launched into second guessing my December purchase, which rapidly became a berating assault, “You barely have enough money for groceries and you are tossing out cash on personal growth?” This thought trail just got worse and worse. I tapped back into the fear around running out of money. “Oh, sure thoughts create your reality, then why aren’t you rolling in the dough? Wha-wha-wha-wha-wha…” I was shocked and staggered by this bizarre turn around in my mood, outlook and internal dialogue. I strained to reclaim the positive feelings only moments before I had been basking in. I could not reconnect to them. All of the benefits I had been experiencing in the 30 Day Energy Immersion were gone from my mind, like erased memory. I invoked “The Formula” (one of Jarrad’s tools) and prayed that it would help me shift.
This struggle went on for days, despite incessant replays of the uplifting audio frequencies and guided meditations. Every time I got on the membership site, all my issues suddenly began taunting me. “You’re needy, nobody wants to deal with that” “That’s just playing victim, invoke The Formula and get on with it!” “You have, ‘I am unloveable’, ‘I am a know-it-all’, ‘condescension’ and ‘I am reprehensible’ in your aura and people feel that. They are not going to come close to you'” “You don’t fit in here either”. “Don’t put it out there, someday it will be used against you!” I would also feel completely drained, unable to put words together in writing. Even if I chose to write, my mind would go blank or I would delete what I started.
Last night could not have gotten much darker. Suicidal thoughts and how to’s were presenting. I prayed to the Angels to break through this. “Angels, please help me to feel love and joy! I am so afraid.” For the first time in a long time I felt the Angels respond to my late night pleas. I felt a glimmer of comfort. I felt the pain ease. I felt a prickling sensation around my Heart center.
I was inspired to write about what I was feeling. As I did my cursor kept jumping around, highlighting and magnifying “disappointment” and “despair”. I realized I had an energetic attachment. I immediately called in ArchAngel Michael and Angelic support. I filled me and my dog with Love and Light and I expanded my Energy out taking us to the Greater Central Sun where I lovingly bridged this Being’s transition to the Light. And with it, all of my darkness it had hooked into and amplified within me. I sent that to the Sun to be transmuted.
Holy Mother of God/dess! The Light switch flipped back ON! OMG what a wild and intense trip that was! I know what we believe to be true is True. And for me, that experience was Truth on high voltage. I guess I need to amp up my Energetic Hygiene practices with invoking The Formula and doing daily clearings/transmutations. Who knows, maybe this Being was just an aspect of me that was ready to be transmuted. I Bless it and I Bless me for coming out the other side of that journey. I invoke The Formula around filling that space with Love, Bliss, Passion, Vision, Ease, Grace, Fun, Adventure, Abundant Profitability and SUCCESS! I can’t wait to “Get This Party Started”!! Life is a JOYFUL journey. Get Intuit!